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Daily Read 19 : Separate the People from the Problem 对事不对人

Same as how the Chinese always says 对事不对人 english we have separate the people from the problem. Today we will be touching on the first part out of the 4 method in winning a negotiation.

1. Ever happen to you in a work place where you always “kena” arrow? Then you are thinking why always me it has been 5 times in two weeks. What’s going on? Thinking that, your boss hates you or something but turns out when you asked your boss, its because your boss thinks you are the best, he can trust you. He keep on sending you because he had no choice as no other people are able to replace you. The boss also thought that you love the responsibility. We human being have emotions, deeply held values, and different backgrounds and viewpoints. We are prone to cognitive biases, partisan perceptions, blind spots, and leaps of illogic.

2. Every negotiator has two kinds of interests. 1. in the relationship. 2. substance

3. Anger over a situation may lead you to express anger toward some huamn being associated with it in your mind. Like “The kitchen is a mess” or “Our bank account is low”  Egos tend to become involved in substantive positions and it will be hard for people to negotiate properly.

4. Disentangle the relationship from the substance; deal directly with the people problem. In negotiating it is easy to forget that you must deal not only with their people problems, but also with your own. Your anger and frustration may obstruct an agreement beneficial to you. You perceptions are likely to be one sided, and you may not be listening or communicating adequately.

5. As useful as looking for objective reality can be, it is ultimately the reality as each side sees it that constitutes the problem in a negotiation and opens the way to a solution.

6. Put yourself in their shoes. How you see the world depends on where you sit. People tend to see what they want to see. You may see on the table a glass half full of cool water. Your spouse may see a dirty, half empty glass about to cause a ring on the mahogany finish.

7. They met in a bar, where he offered her a ride home. He took her down unfamiliar streets. He said it was a shortcut. He got her home so fast she caught the ten o’clock news. Why is the ending so surprising? We made an assumption based on our fears.

8. Under attack, the other party will become defensive. For example, you do a lousy job and the machine breaks down again. When you talk about the problem, distinguish the symptoms from the person with whom you are talking. “Our machine that you service has broken down again. That is three times in the last month. The first time it was out of order for an entire week. This factory needs a functioning machine. I need your advice on how we can minimize our risk of machine breakdown. Should we change service companies, sue the manufacturer, or what?

9. We are doing it just to let them “save face”. The tone implies ridicule. The grave misunderstanding of the role and importance of face saving. Face saving involves reconciling an agreement with principle and with the self image of the negotiators. Its importance should not be underestimated.

10. Listen actively and acknowledge what is being said. “Did i understand correctly that you are saying that . . .?”

Mostly importantly is to keep a good relationship with the other party. Prevention is better than cure. Hope this helps with your daily negotiation and unlock some brain juice from you. If you need the book check out my link below!

By heechai

Singapore Health and Fitness Blog,
I write about Supplement, Shoes, Apparels and Elite Trainers basically anything under fitness!
learning how to maximize human potential in Natural Bodybuilding.

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