Daily Read : The Why Behind Our Every Action

Reading thru this chapter really opens up a lot on my thinking of how many people failed in their relationships. We often couldn’t see thru the upset and anger of why our other half is actually behaving this way without judging them. So we can immediately reconnect with who they really are. 

Just an example, if your spouse is feeling pressure from work, and is venting his or her frustration, it doesn’t mean that your marriage is over, but it’s a sign to be more attentive and to put your focus on supporting this person you love. After all, you wouldn’t judge the stock market based solely on one day when the dow-joes average plunges twenty points. By the same token, you can’t judge a person’s character by one isolated incident. People are not their behaviors.

There are 5 elements that demonstrates how our master system of evaluation works.

First is the state we are in while we are making an evaluation. There are times in life when somebody can say one thing to you and it will make you cry, while other times the same comment makes you laugh. What’s the difference? When you are in a fearful state, very little sound can scare the shit out of you. One key to make superior evaluations is to ensure we are in a resourceful state of mind and emotion rather than in a survival mode.

Second is the questions we ask. What determines whether you ask someone out for a date? Your evaluations are deeply affected by the specific questions you ask yourself as you consider approaching this person. If you ask yourself a question like “wouldn’t it be great to get to know this person?” as compared to “what if they reject me?” “What if i get hurt?” then of course these will lead you through a set of evaluations that results in passing up the opportunity to connect with someone you are truly interested in.

Third will be our hierarchy of values. Each of us throughout our lives has learned to value certain emotions more than others. We all want to feel good. We want pleasure and avoid pain. But our life experience has taught each of us what equals pain and what equals pleasure. This can be found in our guidance system of our values. For example, one person may have learned to link pleasure to the idea of feeling secure, while someone else may have linked pain to the same idea because their family’s obsession with security caused them never to experience a sense of freedom. Some people want to succeed but they avoid rejection at all cost. Conflict value like this can cause someone to feel frustrated or immobilized.

Fourth is Beliefs, Some people have the belief that if you love me, you will never raise your voice at me. This rule will cause this person to evaluate a raised voice as evidence that there is no love in the relationship. This rule may have no basis in fact, but the rule will dominate the evaluation and therefore that person’s perceptions and experience of what’s true. Other such global belief can be “if you are successful, then you make millions of dollars” or “if you are a good parent, then you never have a conflict with your children”

Fifth is reference experiences that is in our brain. Is it bad compared to the worst situation you have ever heard of? You have unlimited references you can use in making any decision. References shapes our beliefs and value. If you grew up in an environment where you felt you were consistently being taken advantage of as opposed to growing up feeling unconditionally loved how might this color your beliefs and values the way you looked at life or people or opportunity. I have seen people with broken home growing up believing that love doesn’t exist and they doubt every relationship that they have. Worried that their partner will cheat them.

“Men are wise in proportion, not to their experience, but to their capacity for experience.” – George Bernard Shaw

We must remember that, I am the source of all my emotions. Nothing and no one can change how i feel except me. If i find myself in reaction to anything. I can change it in a moment.”

“Take away the cause, and the effect ceases.” – Miguel De Cervantes”

There is a story of a man, who walk pass a river and he heard a woman calling for help, drowning in a dangerous river. He leaps in, and pull the drowning lady to safety. As he is still catching his breath, he hears another 2 person drowning in the river, back he when into the river to save the other 2. Before he get a chance to think, he hears four more people calling for help! Pretty soon the man is exhausted, having rescued victim after victim, and yet the screams continue. If only he had taken the time to travel a short distance up river, he could have discovered who was throwing all those people in the water in the first place! He could have save all his effort by addressing the problem at its causes rather than its effect.

Hope you find your true self today and always focus on the cause and not the effect.

If you wish to get the book here is the link!

 

Daily Read 12 : Habits is either the best of servants or the worst of masters.

If you have been following to this daily read 12, you might realise that this book encourages us to take lots of action. Its not just a book on theory and inspirational story. Today we are at chapter 13 : The Ten-Day Mental Challenge

The same thinking that we are using right now has gotten us to where we are but it will not get us to where we wanna be. Biggest problem that most of us have is that we resist change, we have gotta so far with this set of behaviour. Its is true, however a new level of thinking is now required in order to experience a new level of personal and professional success.

Tony also got caught up in a pattern of frustration and anger years ago. Every where he turn to he sees a problem. Thinking positivity is not high on his solution, because being “intelligent” means don’t make things look positive when they aren’t. However in reality, being negative makes things seem worse than they were. Tony was using pessimism as a shield. Protecting himself from pain of failed expectations. However this protection that shield him from pain also shield him from pleasure.

Life is a balance, if we are too positive and ignore the weed in our garden, the weed will still be there. The main idea is to note a weed with a smile, cause you spotted the weed and now you can immediately go and remove them. Weeds are part of our life, we need to see them and acknowledge that they there. Pretending that they are not there will not make things better, neither will becoming inflamed with anger. Weed will always be part of the garden, we can choose to remove it happily or we will be upset for the rest of our life.

So who wanna join me to be happy for the rest of our life? I will be doing a 10 days mental cleanse as stated in the book and lets be accountable to each other! The rule for the 10 day mental challenge will be :

  1. In the next 10 consecutive days, refuse to dwell on any unresourceful thoughts or feelings, refuse to indulge in any disempowering questions or devitalizing vocabulary or metaphors.
  2. When you catch yourself beginning to focus on the negative and you certainly will, you are to immediately use the techniques you have learned to redirect our focus towards a better emotional state.
  3. For the next 10 days our focus will be on solution and not on the problems. The minute you see a possible challenge, immediately focus on the solution.
  4. if you find yourself backsliding, its okay don’t beat yourself up and indulge in the unresourceful thought or feeling. Wait until the next morning and restart the 10 days over again.

We first make our habits, and then our habits make us. – John Dryden

Leaders are reader, so read everyday for at least 30min, miss a meal but never miss 30 min reading a day. So in this 10 days, pick up the habit of reading everyday. This book is about decision and you can decide what kind of future and emotional state you want to be in. So take charge! Connect with me via facebook or you can drop me a email at info@heechai.com on your progress for the 10 days mental challenge!

Daily Read 11 : Creating a compelling future, nothing happens unless first a dream.

This is one of my favourite chapter in this book “Awaken the Giant Within” Because this is the chapter that talks about how we can awaken our sleeping giant that is inside of us. Today if you were given a aladdin lamp what will be the 3 wishes you will wish for?

Have you ever wonder why some people just seem to have more energy than you? Is it really because they have more energy or its just that you are lazy? We all have the same 24 hours a day and of course you are not lazy, its just that you have impotent goals! I remember a time when i was younger what got me up early and made me slept late was playing the game on (maplestory) I slept very late at night say 5am or 6am then i woke up at 8am to continue playing. I just couldn’t get to sleep and i was so motivated to wake up everyday to keep grinding in the game. Most of us live with a simple goal, which is to pay the bills. Tell me who will be excited to wake up early everyday just to pay for the bills.

The larger the goal is the more power we will have. Goals setting is actually a very important skill, we need to pick a goal that seems impossible but at the same time thinking about achieving it will bring you crazed excitement. And to achieved those impossible goals we need to suspend our belief systems about what we are capable of achieving.

“We are what we are because we have first imagined it.” – Donald Curtis

Look around you right now, how many of the things you have now wasn’t available or even possible to own 5 years ago. If 100 years ago someone told you that invisible waves from all around the world could be pulled from air and fed into a box to generate sounds and pictures you would have thought this person must be crazy. Yet today in most people home everyone will have at least one television or 2!

If its that simple why doesn’t everyone of us set goals and achieve great things? What is holding us back? Surely we all know about goal setting. For many of us its the unconscious fear of disappointment. Some set a goal before, tried to go for it but they failed and to avoid the pain of failing they stop setting goals any more. Often we are so caught up with what we are trying to achieve and we didn’t realise how far we have come. A very good metaphor that is when a friend tell you How much your kid has grown! And you say with honest Surprise. Really? Something that is happening right in front of us and we fail to recognise it let alone see the progress of ourself.

They have a whole chunk of exercise and question in the book at this particular chapter however it will be hard for me to share it here so i will skip it. If you are interested in the question you can either purchase the book from amazon or you can email me at info@heechai.com

The key to achieving our goal is to be committed! All human being have the needs for Constant and never ending improvement. We need to learn how to make use of stress instead of being overwhelmed by stress and not able to do anything. Stress can be use to drive you into the direction you want. We need to remember stress is self induced, we can use our intelligent to control it.

Living the life. Sometimes after setting all these goals we feel that we can only be happy only when we achieve the goal. The truth is that if we decide to be happy now, we will automatically achieve more! Goals provide magnificent direction and a way to focus, we must constantly strive to live each day to its fullest, squeezing all the joy we can out of each moment! The direction we are heading is more important than individual result. 

Live life to the fullest and don’t let it slip by you just like that. 

Daily Read 10 : The Ten Emotions Of Power

10 days, if you have followed for 10 days congrats to you! A big pat on the back for myself too! It has been really tough these days to hit the 1 hour of reading and 30min to do up this post as i have been really busy with the shop and other projects as well. Time is precious, so less whining and more reading! So today we are at chapter 11 of Awaken The Giant Within by Anthony Robbins.

The story of a man name Walt. Walt is a good decent human who tries to do the right thing. He has his life down to science. Everything is in proper place. He wakes exactly at 630am, shower and shaves, drink some coffee and he is out for work at 715am and he will reach his office at 8am. Where he sits there and does the same job for 20 years.

5pm he goes home, and watch TV. An hour later the wife comes home and they will decide what leftover to eat or to throw a pizza into a mircowave. After dinner he watches the news where the wife wash up and kid and put him to sleep. Walt and his wife has been married for 3 years, he won’t describe their relationship as inflamed with passion, “it’s comfortable”

Do you know some one like walt? Maybe he is someone we know intimately. Someone who never suffers the depths of utter devastation or despondency but also never get to experience the heights of passion and joy. Many of us live a life of quiet desperation, afraid of feeling pain but quietly wanted to feel more alive, more passionate and get our heart pumping again. Often we will feel helpless and we find that we are unable to control what we feel. And many turn to external help to avoid certain emotions. They will turn to drugs, alcohol, overeating, gambling in hoping to lose those depressing feeling.

We have 4 basic ways to deal with emotions. 1 avoidance, we want to avoid painful emotions, so we avoid any situation that could lead to painful emotions. Some fear rejection and they avoid any situation that could lead to rejection. They shy away from relationship for example. They don’t apply for challenging job. And in the end they are unable to feel the very love, intimacy and connection they we most desire.

2 Denial, we often say to certain emotions that we have that, its not that bad. However on the inside they keep thinking how bad things are and how someone has taken advantage of them or how they do everything right but still turn out wrong. Experiencing a emotion and pretending its not there will only amplify it even bigger, it will amplify till its big enough for you to notice it.

3 Competition, Many of us stop fighting the emotions we had and we fully indulge in them and goes into a competition with other people and take it as some unique and begin to pride themselves on being worse off than anyone else. This is the worst way to deal of our painful emotions.

4 Learning and Using, if we want to make life work, we need to make our emotions work for us. The emotions that we once thought of as negative are actually a call to action. Every painful emotion we can call them Action Signals! Its tells us its time to move! Or you need to do something now!

6 Steps to Emotional Mastery

Step one : Identify what you’re really feeling, instead of being overwhelmed by all the pain you are feeling. Step back and ask yourself what are you really feeling? Are you really angry or are you just feeling hurt. Or are you feeling you lost out of something. Realise that feeling hurt and feeling lost out on something is not as intense as feeling angry!

Step two : Acknowledge and Appreciate your emotions, knowing they support you. Your emotions are here not to hurt you but to serve you as a warning. Even if you don’t know about your emotions now, just trust that your emotions are here to guide you and support you, appreciate all emotion you are feeling and you will find that you will calm down almost immediately.

Step three : Get curious about the message this emotion is offering you. Getting curious will help you master the emotion and it will be easier for you to deal with it if you face it again.

Step four : Get Confident, Remember a time where you have successfully handled a similar emotion and feel confident that you have handled it before.

Step Five : Get certain you can handle this not only today, but in the future as well. Simply by remembering that you handled this situation or emotion before and rehearse handling the situation where this Action Signal would come up in the future. See and hear yourself handling this situation easily.

Step Six : Get excited and take action. The best time to handle the emotion is when the Monster is still little. Get excited and deal with it.

We can feel all the different emotions inside our the good and the bad. Learn how to deal with it and do more things that will fill ourself with the good emotions. Like love, contribution, and many more. I hope you will not be restricted by your emotions and fear of failure and live a life in “comfort” Life is a adventure, you only got 1 life you can make full use of it or let it make full use of you.

The book that changes my life. Get yours today from amazon!

 

Daily Read 9 : How our Metaphors Shape our life.

What are metaphors you might ask. As explained in the book If X is like Y, and we understand X, suddenly we understand Y. If for example someone tries to explain electricity to you by throwing around the terms “ohms”, “amperes,” “wattage,” and “resistors,” chances are it will totally confuse us. But what if he explained it by drawing a pipe, and there is water flowing thru it. There is a little flap that could slow water going thru the pipe, That little flap is what a resistor does in an electrical unit. Instantly we will know what a resistor is. So this is consider a metaphor. A metaphor can empower us by expanding and enriching our life however it can also place limiting belief if we are not careful.

Remembering the raging CEO we were talking about yesterday? He had a global metaphor that they were in a box and someone is having a gun on his head. Do you think he will react intensely if you believe you are trapped in a situation like this? So what tony does to break this CEO metaphor is by asking questions. He asked what color is the squirt gun? In order to answer this question he has to focus on the squirt gun and this switch in focus will break his internal focus. If i kept repeating don’t think of the color blue, what color are you going to think of? The answer, obviously, is blue. And whatever you think about, you feel.

Often people might say i am feeling the world is on my shoulder, you can also break their metaphor by saying set the world down and move on. Or if people say i am hitting a wall, you can tell them to jump over the wall or dig a hole thru. Some people will say I am feeling stuck. You can say you are never stuck, you may be feeling a little frustrated, you may not have a clear answer, but you are not stuck.

Some people of metaphor that life is a war, what will that bring to that persons life? That person might be thinking “its going to be me against everybody else.” “Its a dog eat dog world” If life is a battle then i am going to get hurt. What if Life is a game, you might think that there will always be a winner and a loser there will never be win win situation. Or you might think that life might be fun. Mother teresa’s metaphor for life is that its sacred. What if you believe life is a gift? Changing one of our global believe can immediately change the way we feel about life.

In a seminar, there is a woman who keeps complaining about everything things that happen. Its too cold, its too hot, she is upset of the person infront of her because he was too tall. So tony asked her what is her believe about life. She said “I guess I just believe that small leaks sink the ship.” If you thought you are going to drown all the time wouldn’t you go crazy about finding every little leaks.

A metaphor about yourself can make a big difference as well. Like if you believe that you are a teacher, a speaker, a therapist, a national best seller author or a Coach. Tony tested these out and every single word brings a very different meaning on how he sees things. So what kind of metaphors are you putting on yourself? Are you just a employee, business owner or a student?

You can put a metaphor on your love one as well. By calling certain names on your husband as “that jerk” that asshole” “old hag” “prince of darkness” or you can also call them “love of my life” “soul mate” ” team mates” what do you think it will change in your relationship?

When face with problem do you people often think of the metaphor that this problem is going to go on forever. However you can also look at it the other way. Life has its seasons. And now with the problem its just winter. Winter will go by and Spring will follow then the sun will be out. The sun comes out and we won’t freeze to death!

The metaphor about life is also a really cool one. One day Tony’s son came home and feeling really sad because his friend die. So Tony told him a metaphor of the caterpillar before turning into a butterfly will have to wraps itself up into a cocoon and everyone would have thought that the caterpillar is dead. If you cut open the cocoon it will be just some mashy white stuff. But after a few days what will the cocoon be? The son replied, butterfly will come out! So now is the caterpillar more free or less free? The son replied more free! Tony said “I think your friend has wings now!”

Hope these short example can let you know more about how a simple metaphor is actually affecting our life. May these small changes bring you a happier and more fulfilling life.

Daily Read 8 : The Vocabulary Of Ultimate Success

Hello Humans, words can make us cry, laugh, they can wound us or heal. The words that we use everyday is so powerful and it affects how we think and act however most of us are not conscious of what comes out from our mouth daily.

I have a friend who often use the word “hate”. Every little thing that happen “hate” will be use. I hate you, i hate this, i hate that. And this causes my friend to get really angry at that point of time and she don’t know why. What if instead of using i hate my job to i prefer another job. I hate you doing this to i prefer you would do this. Wouldn’t it change the whole emotional state she is in. So is the things that happen to her that got her into such a angry state or the words that she used that made her angry. Words have power so choose them wisely. 

3 friends heard the same problem and 3 of them all have very different respond to the situation. 1 was in raged and furious. 2 got angry and upset and the 3rd got annoyed and peeved. All of these words means a different level of frustration and it produces very different results in the emotional state that each of them will be in. Can we actually change the emotional state that we are in by using a different vocabulary of the other person?

So Tony decided to give it a try. He just got to a hotel and was preparing to check in. However his staff made a mistake in the booking and the counter staff had a problem checking him in. He is really tired and normally in a situation like this he will use words like he is angry or upset but this time instead he say “I know its not your fault, however if i stand here a little longer i am afraid i will become a little PEEVED. Then the counter staff looked at tony in a perplexed look and give a smile and tony smile back. And it broke the pattern. Words shapes our belief and impact our actions. 

Without knowing the force of words, it is impossible to know men – Confucius

The word you use often will shape your destiny. People who think they are depress always say they are depress. Why i never feel depress at all because simply depress is not in my vocabulary. Its really that simple. Every time when you are going to think that you are depress, try replacing it with other words that will empower you instead. So instead of saying i am depressed, say i am feeling a little down, i am getting better or i am turning things around instead.

Words has the power to create or destroy. Many leader has used words to build a empire and made people do crazy things. Like Hitler “The German people is no warlike nation. It is a soldierly one, which means it does not want a war but does not fear it. It loves peace but it also loves it honor and freedom.” Saddam Hussein labeled  his invasion to Kuwait as a “Holy War”

Words can produce illness and words can kill. There are example out there where doctor says that this person only has 2 months to live and sure enough 2 months later this person pass on. I remember this story from Joseph (Tony No.1 Performance Coach) where his mother who got cancer and the doctor diagnosed her to only have 4 months more to live. Joseph didn’t want to accept this fact and he knew that words have power. He plead the doctor not to reveal the condition to his mum. Who are doctor to actually set a death date for someone. This is really unfair. In the end he manage to convince the doctor to not let the mother know about the condition and joseph gave lots of empowering words to the mum like doctor said you are fine after the operation. You will recover soon. Etc etc and he mum did survive a few year longer. This might be a bit hard to understand. Try it!

For example, when some one say they are angry. Ask them if they are angry or are they hurt. If they say they are hurt you can see their emotions drop immediately. Or before food, you said i am starving to death and replaced with i am just a little hungry. See how much less food you will chomp down your throat.

Stick with people who use empowering words, and you will be empowered too. 

 

Daily Read 7 : Questions Are The Answer

Morning human, half way thru the week are you still feeling energise and focus? Or are you dragging yourself out of bed today and asking why do i have to go to work? What will the traffic be like to? Why do i have to wake up so early? Today’s chapter will be on Questions! We ask ourself hundreds of question everyday, asking the right question can get you fired up or burn you to death. So what should we ask ourself?

“He who asks questions cannot avoid the answers.” – Cameroon Proverb

Being in the Nazi’s concentration camp was hell, nobody thought they could ever escape this place. Except one man who asked himself this question “How can we escape this horrible place?” and all the reply he got was “Don’t be a fool” “there is no escape” but this man held on this his belief and he couldn’t accept what the others was saying. He kept asking himself over and over again, “How can i do it?” There must be a way. How can i get out of here healthy, alive, today?”

Ask and you shall received, and this day he got a idea. Few feet away from his work place was a pile of decaying dead people, who had been gassed. Men, Woman and children who had been tortured, strip off everything they had were thrown there. Instead of asking question like “how could the nazis be so cruel?” Instead he asked “How can i use this to escape?” As the end of the day neared and the work party headed back into the barracks, he decided to sneak behind the truck, strip off all his clothes and when no one is looking he dove into the pile of dead body and pretended he was dead. Waiting for the truck to move off. He waited and waited and finally he heard the sound of the engine starting. He got dump in a open grave outside the camp, waited for a few hours till he is sure that he is safe. He ran naked 25miles to freedom. This man was Stanislavsky Lech.

What is the difference between Stanislavsky Lech and the rest? The main difference was, he asked a different question. We have all learned in this book that belief shapes our decision, our actions, the directions of our life and therefore our ultimate destiny. But all these influences is a product of our thinking. “So how do we think?”

Thinking itself is nothing but the process of asking and answering questions. How to get fitter? How to earn more money? Why do i have to go to work? These questions direct our focus, and therefore how we think and feel. So if we want to change the quality of our life, we should change our habitual questions.

Ask and you shall received. Ask a terrible question and you will get a terrible answer. Many of us failed to commit to a relationship simply because we keep asking questions that create doubt. Questions like, what if there’s somebody better out there? What if i commit myself now and miss out? This fuel the thought of grass is always greener on the other side, and it keeps us from being able to enjoy what we already have in our life. Sometimes we destroy our own relationship by asking question like “why do you always do this to me?” why don’t you appreciate me?” “what if i were to leave right now-how would that make you feel?” compare with “how did i get so lucky to have you in my life?” “What do i love the most about my wife/husband?” “How much richer will our life be as a result of our relationship?”

Asking empowering question at the right time is the key. Ever in a situation where you are in a big problem and you started asking yourself negative question? Like how can he do this to me? How can my business partner just leave me?” What if you can ask yourself empowering question instead?

Tony shared with us his problem, and how these question help solved his problem. He was out on the road for 100 days out of 120 days. He came back and there were tons of post it and calls to follow up from his family, important friends and associates. He asked himself some very disempowering questions just like many of us. He said, How come i have no time? Why don’t they leave me alone? Don’t they understand that i am not a machine? Why don’t i ever get a break? As you can tell what kind of emotional state can this bring. So he created this 5 question.

So what is great about this problem? he asked, “Absolutely nothing!” He then thought about what happen 8 years ago, where he will be willing to give anything to get 20 business associates and friends to visit or call him. That broke his pattern and he laugh and began to feel grateful that there were so many people who he respect and love who wanted to spend time with him.

What is not perfect yet? Give him new answer on how he can perfect things now!

What am i willing to do to make it the way i want it? He is willing to organise his life and his schedule so it will be more balance. Take control and say NO to certain things. He also realise he needed to hire a new CEO for one of his company to free himself up.

What am i willing to no longer do in order to make it the way i want it? He could no longer whine and complain how unfair it all was or feel abused when people were really trying to support him.

How can i enjoy the process while do what is necessary to make it the way i want it? So he asked how can he enjoy himself while making the 100 calls. He then remembered his jacuzzi at his backyard and got changed to his swimwear, set up his laptop and phone and began calling. He all the while has this jacuzzi at his backyard, however he was asking himself disempowering question and he forgotten about the resources he has.

So take control of your life and start asking empowering question. Go out there and get a happier life. Lets go! This book is a must read, if you love what you read here you can get it at amazon and let me earn some affiliate fee! : >

 

Daily Read 6: How To Get What You Really Want? Part 2

Yesterday we talk about why a old man is old because of his thinking, today we are going to touch on Focus, The power of concentration. I actually got some feedback from friends that its really hard to understand the information i put out, do leave a comment below to let me know how i can improve. This chapter on how to get what you really want is first to identify what you really want, which many might say, money, fame or fast car. However example in the first part of the chapter shows celebrity and successful people killing themselves even thou they are rich and loved by many. We also found out why they ended their life. The goal to get what you really want is actually to be able to control your emotions regardless what situation comes.

You can get depressed now just by focusing on a past experience that was horrible to you. Start picturing it, think about it pretty soon you will be able to feel it. If today you when to a lousy movie, will you choose to go back and watch it again? I bet you won’t but many of us are doing this inside our own head everyday and we often focus in advance and predict what is going to happen and after that we get depressed in advance for things that haven’t happen. Funny? But we are doing this to ourselves in a day to day basis. We can be sad, so can we control our focus and be happy? Of course you can!

Whatever we focus on becomes our idea of reality. Focus is not reality, think of your focus as a camera, its only one view, one person perception. If you when to a party with your camera, and the area you sat on had a group of people fighting, how would the party be represented? Unpleasant, frustrating? No one is having a good time and everyone was fighting? However you must always remember there is also another side of the party that is having fun, telling jokes and everyone is having a good time.

Meaning is often a matter of focus. If you scheduled a business meeting and the other person is late. How you feel will be determine but what meaning you focus on. You can be thinking that the other person don’t care or you can think that the person is having difficulties to come to the meeting. Whatever we focus on determines how we feel, we shouldn’t jump into conclusions and choose what we focus on carefully. Focus on where you want to go, not on your fear. A Racer when about to crash gotta focus his attention on the direction he wants to go and not on the wall that he is about to crash in. If you look at your fear, you will have no chance in avoiding the crash but if you focus on where you want to go, your chances of success immediately increase by 10fold. Not saying you will succeed but if you focus on fear you 100% will fail. “Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you will find. Knock and it will be opened to you.”

The most powerful way to control your focus is by asking questions. You can ask why is this person taking advantage of me? then you will be thinking that you got taken advantage of, weather is it true or not. However if You ask how can we turn this around? You will get a more empowering answer! A good example is this kid who got bullied in school, he when home thinking i am going to kill that bully, i am going to kill that bully and took his mother gun out. He when searching for the target and finally he found that bully, he took aim and suddenly a question came to his head. What will happen to me if i pull the trigger. He imagine that he will be in jail, with other prisoner and have to stay up all night incase he get rape inside. The potential pain was greater than what revenge can bring and he shift his aim and shot the tree instead.

The most important take away from this chapter is, All that you really want in life is to change how you feel. All your emotions are nothing but biochemical storms in your brain, and you are in control of them at any moment in time. you can feel esctasy right now, or you can feel pain or depressed, its all up to you. You don’t need drugs or anything else to do it. 

Daily Read 5: How To Get What You Really Want? Part 1

Its Monday and i am excited to start my week! Are you excited or feeling sleepy at your office now? Don’t worry today 10 min Read is going to spike you up!

Many of us have been living our life, chasing a dream or goal that in the end might not be what we are looking for. Like Elvis Presley who is such a successful superstar and being loved by million of people who actually killed himself. According to Elvis’s half brother David Stanley, Elvis much preferred being drugged and numb to being conscious and miserable. There many other successful people like Elvis who ended their own life. They have all the money they wanted, they are loved by millions of people, why would they do that?

  1. They didn’t know what they really wanted out of life, so they distracted themself with artificial mood alterants (Drugs, Alcohol, Smoking)
  2. They developed not just neurological pathways, but expressways to pain. And these habits were driving them down these highways on a regular basis. The pain they are having is far more than the love and money they are getting.
  3. They didn’t know how t make themselves feel good, so they had to turn to outside forces to help them deal with the present.
  4. They never learn how to control their pain and pleasure and often let the surrounding control how they should be feeling.

So it comes to our important question What Do You Want?
What do you truly want in your life? Do you want a loving marriage, the respect of your children? Do you want plenty of money, fast cars, a thriving business? Whatever you desire or crave for you need to ask yourself “Why do i want these things?” You want fine cars, for example is because you desire the feeling that you are successful? What it all comes down to is the fact that you want these things or results because you see them as a means to achieving certain feelings, emotions, or states that you desire.

When some on kisses you do you feel good in that moment? Is it wet tissue touching wet tissue that triggers that feeling? If you think yes, then kissing a dog will get you excited. All of our emotions are nothing but a flurry of biochemical storms in our brains and we can spark them at any moment. But first we must learn how to take control of them consciously instead of living in reaction! 

Have you ever found yourself unable to remember your friends name? Or find it difficult to spell a simple word like .. house? How come you are unable to do it? You knew the answer for sure, its because you are in a stupid state. The difference between acting badly or brilliantly is not based on your ability, but on the state of your mind and/or body in any given moment. Your behaviour is not the result of your ability, but of the state that you’re in at this moment.

All the sensations that you want are available all of the time, and all you got to do is to tune to the right channel. How can we do that?

Physiology : The Power Of Movement
Emotion is created by motion or E-Motion = Energy in motion. Everything that we feel is as a result of how our body move. Try something ridiculous with me for a second. Pretend you are in a rather bored and humorless symphony conductor rhythmically swinging your arms in and out. Do it very slowly. Don’t get too excited; just do it as a matter of routine and make sure your face reflects a state of boredom. Notice how that feel and Now Clap your hands and give a big silly grin on your face, notice how fast your state changes in seconds. Every emotion you feel has a specific physiology linked to it.

Anyone can continue to feel good if they are already feeling good, the real key is to make yourself feel good when you don’t feel like it. We all have the capacity to make changes anytime. Just by changing our physiology, we can change our level of performance. Our capability is always there and what we have got to do is put ourselves into states where it is accessible.

A old person is old because he think he is old and move like he is old. Lack of movement is death! If you see children in the rain and they saw a puddle of water what do you think they will do? They are going to jump in! They are going to laugh and have fun. Now when we grow up what do we do? We walk around it, we complain. Make feeling good your expectations, you don’t need to have any reason to feel good, you are alive, you can feel good for no reason at all!

Hope this short 10min inspired you! Part 2 will be coming tomorrow, i am excited for tomorrow topic. Its on focus. Where focus goes energy flows. I strongly encourage anyone and everyone to get a copy of Tony’s book Awaken the giant within it changes my life. You can get it through my link below! I will get a few cents from it but you will get a life time of knowledge.

Daily Read 4 : How To Change Anything In Your Life Part 2

Today is a busy busy sunday, when to get some office white board for my shop to write down my goals and target to make sure i progress day by day! Then when out to send an order at a huge huge house. Thinking why are these people make so much money, and why are most of us so poor. Than i realise it is the question that i ask, and the direction i am looking at. We are always thinking of how other people do it, instead of how we should do it for ourself. Wasting all the time thinking instead of doing. So back in my shop now continue for todays 10min on Chapter 6 of Awaken The Giant Within Part 2!

Step 4 : Create a New, Empowering Alternative.

Everyone got a bad habit, even a powerful and elegant man like Fran Tarkenton, he love to chew tobacco and he will turn and spit the tobacco out. For 20 years he has been doing this. He is so addicted to chewing tobacco that if you asked him to choose between sex and chewing tobacco he will chew tobacco. After so many years of chewing tobacco he has program himself to link chew tobacco to pleasure. What got him to change was when a friend told him how incongruent it is for him as a man of his status to chew tobacco and it represents the lack of control over his life and directed his focus to tobacco causing him to have mouth cancer. The taste started to disgust him. He then focus his time on building his buisness and created breaking results like never before. Often if we break our old pattern enough, our brain will be able to automatically search for a replacement pattern to give us the feeling we desire.

Statistic has shown that drug addict who go send into a rehabilitation center got force to stop drug once release out most likely will start doing drug again. Drug abuser who truly wanted to quit and did it on their own stop drugs, however when face with high amount of stress starts going back to drug again. The group that replace doing drug with other kinds of fulfillments like relationship, spiritual enlightenment or passion in a new career lasted 8 years or they never when back to drug again. These people uses the first 4 steps of the NAC, why those only lasted 8 years cause they miss out on the 5th Step!

Step 5: Conditioning the new pattern until it is consistent.

“There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good; it can destroy bad principles and recreate good ones; it can lift men to angelship” – Mark Twain

The Law of Reinforcement. Reinforcement is responding to the behaviours immediately after it occur, while punishment and reward may come later. Timing is everything, a simple example from tony’s daughter jolie. Jolie is very busy with school, dance and play she was in, Jolie boyfriend wanted her to call him everyday, and when she missed a few days and called him, he will give her tremendous amount of pain. He clearly wanted her to call him more frequently, yet his strategy for reinforcement was to push her away when she called. Have you been guilty of this? So what reinforcement strategy should be use when they finally called if you want them to call you more often? What the example above is doing is linking pain to calling you, if it goes on for months and months what do you think will happen to the relationship? You guess it right, it ended. If you truly want some one to call you, when they called tell them how much you miss them, how much you love them. Give them pleasure, will they be more inclined to call you? You bet they will! Remember to always link pleasure to the behaviour you want someone to repeat!

Schedule your reinforcement so change will last. Imagine if you walk pass a begger and gave him money everytime for a few months, and one day you dont have any money with you and you walk by and said, I don’t have any money with me today, and the begger responded with anger. He became anger because i was no longer giving him something that he was thrilled to receive. We need to remember that the element of pleasant surprise if the most enjoyable experiences that a human being can have. Example how we train a dolphin to jump is that everytime he jumps immediately we will reinforce his jump by feeding him a fish. So the Dolphin now links that everytime he jumps he will get a fish, eventually the trainer will only give the dolphin if he jumps higher, by slowly raising the standard, the trainer can shape the dolphin behaviour. The Key here is : if the dolphin is given the fish everytime he jump, he may become habituated and will no longer give a 100% when jumping. We may not have notice how we are slowly becoming habituated to our surrounding and become less and less motivated at work. Think about this and maybe like the fish as salary and jumping as your work. Are you programming yourself right to be motivated at work so you can achieve your success? Or are you sabotaging yourself?

Step 6 is actually to test it! Find out what you want to change and let me know if this 6 Steps help you!

This is not the full chapter of the book of course, its just a summary, if you wish to learn more grab a copy of the book at the link below.

 

 

Daily Read 3 : How To Change Anything In Your Life Part 1

Hello People, yesterday we talk about how our belief shapes us and affect our daily life unconsciously. I believe most of you could identify a few of your belief or from some of the examples give you can relate it to yourself. Today we are going to break those belief that is not helpful to us and add on a new empowering neuro pattern. You can read my yesterday post here (can change happen in a instant).

“The beginning of a habit is like an invisible thread, but every time we repeat the act we strengthen the strand, add to it another filament, until it becomes a great cable and binds us irrevocably, thought and act.” -Orison Swett Marden

To change our behavior, there is only one effective way to do it. Link extreme pain to our old behavior. There are 6 simple steps to follow which is called the Neuro-Associative Conditioning (NAC). This chapter is pretty long, so i am going to share a short story for every part of the 6 steps that i feel is most important to me.

Step 1 : Decide what you really want and what’s preventing you from having it now?
Basically this means that we need to have a goal in mind. So we know where we want to move forward to. For example some people goal is to be happy. So people goal is to get that business deal. We want a happy relationship. And what is stopping us from getting to our goal. For example the fear of the unknown for change.

Step 2: Get Leverage : Associate Massive Pain to Not Changing Now and Massive Pleasure to the Experience of Changing Now!
If someone points a gun at your head and request you to get out of your depressed state right now and be happy many of us will immediately be able to snap out of the depressed state and be happy. That is leverage. So we need to create a leverage that is so strong that we will be compelled to follow through. Many of us are stuck in a bad relationship, we want to be happy however and we know that by leaving that harmful relationship will make us happy but we tell ourself what if we cannot find someone better, what if nobody wants me or better still this person that is hurting me might change. The fear of the unknown is a more power motivating force for you to not do anything. This kind of thinking is what stopping us from making changes. So one day the pain of being in that negative relationship became greater than the fear of unknown, so you hit a threshold and made the change!

Another way of leverage for people who are trying to lose weight. There is lady who share her story of how THE ALPO DIET. So she and her friend has finally decided that its enough they agree that they need to lose weight. They decided to commit to each other anStd a group of friends that if they break their promise this time, they would each have to eat a whole can of ALPO Dog Food. Each of them have a can of ALPO dog food on their table, if time they are feeling their hunger pangs, they will pick up the dog food and read the label. “With ingredients boasting horsemeat chunks” and they found no difficulty in sticking to their commitment and they achieved their goals.

The greatest leverge you can create for yourself is the pain that comes from inside, not outside. knowing that you have failed to live up to your own standards for your life is the ultimate pain. One of the strongest forces in human personality is the drive to preserve the integrity of our own identify. Externally forcing someone to change does work for a while, however for lasting change, it has to happen from the inside. How do we do that? By asking question on what this belief will lead us to in our relationship, our life, physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually.

Step 3: Interrupt The Limiting Pattern
A CD that is playing normally can be interrupted by taking a needle scratching a dozens of times and the will never play the same way again. So how can we do it? One of the method in the book called The Scramble Pattern. There is 3 steps to making this works. 1) See the situation in your mind that was bothering you so much. 2) Take that same experience and turn it into a cartoon. Play the cartoon now in your mind and send the image as far back so you can see everything. Now let the movie run backwards in fast motion and see them swallow their words. Now change colour of the image particularly to the person who upsets you, make their ears grow like mickey mouse or nose go longer like pinocchio. Do it a dozen of times To and Fro. 3) Now think about the situation that was bothering you, and notice how you feel now.

This Chapter is really packed with lots of mind blowing information and i will continued part 2 in tomorrows daily read! Thanks for reading! As always if you want to purchase tony’s book awaken the giant within do go to the link below!

 

 

 

Daily Read 2 : Can Change Happen In An Instant?

Hi everyone, yesterday we talk about how belief system can actually shape our life by helping us make decision. So it is really important for us to understand what belief we have and keep the ones that is good for us and replace those that is harming us. We cannot reach a goal if we don’t even know what the goal is right? Clarity is power and i hope you had found some negative belief that you had and today we will talk about change.  Read On Yesterday Article On Belief System.

Tony Robbins strongly belief that all changes are created in a moment, its just that most of us wait until something happen then we decide to make a shift in our life. So then why many of us think that changes takes a long time? Or you must have heard i need to change bit by bit slowly. I cannot change too fast. That is because most of us uses willpower for the change and after a while, they fail. Willpower is not enough if we want to achieve lasting change.

Second culturally we link negative thoughts to instant change. Instant change to some means you really never had a problem at all. For example, in our culture if your family or love one pass on, we all believe that we need to grieve for a period of time. If today your love one pass on and the next day you didn’t grieve any more so does that means that you didn’t care or you don’t love that person? We change our emotions according to the culture that we are in. In Fact, this example in the book will open up our mind. “There are in fact culture that celebrates when someone passes on, they believe that god knows the right time for us to leave the earth and dieing means graduation! And if you grieve over someone death, it will indicate nothing but your lack of understanding in life. They link pleasure to death and pain to grieve. “

Our brain is such a power tools, it has the ability to link pain and pleasure to our nervous system, so immediately we will be able to react and avoid certain situation. This is how our brain works, anytime we receive any pain or pleasure our brain will start to look for the cause. Your brain uses this 3 criteria
1. Your brain look for something unique
2. Your brain look for something that happen simultaneously.
3. Your brain look for consistency

Because the 3 criteria for forming neuro-associations are so imprecise we often misinterpret and created a false neuro-associations. This example here will show you what exactly it is about and it might sound familiar to you. “A lady who was in a relationship with this guy for 12 years, she is extremely passionate about everything she do. However when the relationship ended she found herself in massive pain. Her brain immediately searches for something unique to this relationship. The brain noted that the relationship has been extremely passionate, instead of thinking it as a beautiful part of the relationship, she began to think that this was why the relationship ended. Then the brain started to look for something that happen simultaneously to the pain, again she noted a great amount of passion before the relationship ended. When she look for something consistent, again passion seems to be the culprit. Because passion made all the 3 criteria, her brain decided that passion must be the reason why the relationship ended painfully. Guess what? She resolved never to feel that amount of passion in a relationship again.” This is really a classic example of a false neuro-association. This belief now guides her to her other relationship and it crippled her the ability to have a better relationship in the future. And because she links pain to her passion, she avoided being passionate at all cost, not only relationship suffer and her work suffer as well. Her whole life when downwards.

Mixed Neuro-Association, a classic source of self sabotage. A very common example is with Money. Many of us link pleasure of money to freedom, security, happiness and Pain to money as well like greed, being judge, need to work hard to get it. Mixed Neuro Association will gives us mix results. We want money which is pleasure however we dont want to work hard for it cause it is painful is a very good example of mixed neuro association.

I hope this give you some fresh ideas and get your brain thinking if what your belief is really helping you or crippling you. Next chapter will be on the 6 step to change! If you guys wish to read ahead. Go to the link below!

Daily Read 1 : Belief Systems, The Power To Create Or Destroy

Hi Guys, i will be doing a summary of my daily reading, hope this 10 minutes a day summary can inspire you and make you stronger. Of course for myself, I can absorb and learn more as i blog and put my thoughts down.

Today i am on chapter 4 of Anthony Robbins Awaken The Gian Within and this chapter title : Belief System : The Power To Create And The Power To Destroy. “Under all that we think, lives all we believe, like the ultimate veil of our spirits.” – Antonio Machado

This chapter started out with the story of 2 brothers, one who is a alcoholic and drug addict who was jailed for attempting to murder someone and the other brother who has a happy family with 3 kids, works as a regional manager and doesn’t do drugs or alcohol. Both were interviewed and asked what makes them who they are today and both replied “What else could i have become with a father like that”

This really got me thinking why 2 person of the same father could have such a different outcome. So in the book it explain Its not the event in our life that shapes us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean. Many more stories in the book that explains how different belief to certain events shape us differently, there is another one on two 70 years old lady, one belief that she is about to die because she is 70 and her body is breaking down and the other 70 year old lady belief what a person is capable of depends on her belief and she decided to go mountain climbing and toughen up her skills. In her 90s Hulda Crooks become the oldest woman who ascent from Mount Fuji.

Most of our belief are generalizations about our past, based on our interpretations of painful and pleasure experiences.

  1. Most of us do not consciously decide what we are going to believe.
  2. Often our believe are based on misinterpretation of our past experience.
  3. Once we adopt a believe, we forgot its merely a interpretation.

We are often being controlled by Giant Generalizations that we are unaware of and it normally starts with these 3 :
Life is … hard or learning journey
I am … not smart enough to start a business or able to learn and grow my business
People are… evil or all nice and helpful.

Once we accepted, the belief becomes unquestioned command to our nervous system. We often limit ourself by the belief that we have. A person who have not succeeded in the past, wont be able to believe they will succeed in the future.

Why the Optimist will succeed and the pessimists fail. We always have this friend who is damn accurate about whatever he says, be it weight lifting or in life. He will be saying to himself 100kg is the max he can lift and all his life 100kg will be what he gets and he is right. However why a optimist will succeed is because a optimist are those friends who you think they are stupid, thinking of lifting 200kg and he just keeps trying don’t know what failure is and one day he get his 200kg lift.

As you can see our Belief shapes our life and our future. Many of us are just unaware of these belief and we let it control our life. Then on our death bed, we regret all the things we have not done. I will end of with this 7 questions for you. Think of a belief you have for example, I am not smart enough to start a business, I am too poor to start, I believe that love will not last and man are will cheat on me.

  1. How is this belief ridiculous or absurd?
  2. Was the person I learn this belief from worth modeling in this area?
  3. What will this belief cost me emotionally if i don’t let go of this belief now?
  4. What will this belief cost me in my relationship if i don’t let go of this belief now?
  5. What will this belief cost me physically if i don’t let go of this belief now?
  6. What will this belief cost me financially if i don’t let go of this belief now?
  7. What will it cost my Family/Loved ones if i don’t let go of this belief now?

 

I will be posting a chapter summary everyday of course I highly recommend you get the book via my link below.